DYING AND BEING KILLED ARE NOT THE SAME

I TRULY WISH I POSSESSED THE ABILITY TO CONVEY IN WORDS THE DEPTHS OF MY PAIN, AND EMOTIONS BEHIND THE DEATH OF MY DAUGHTER.

I CAN NEVER PREDICT WHEN THE TEARS WILL FLOW, WHEN THE LONELINESS WILL HIT, OR THE REALIZATION THAT SHE'S GONE NEVER TO RETURN.

I WILL HAVE TO EVER DEAL WITH MISSING HER, AND THE SECOND GUESSING THAT ACCOMPANIES BEING A FATHER THAT HAS LOST HIS FIRST BORN.

I WOULD APOLOGIZE FOR LABOURING THIS TOPIC, BUT TO APOLOGIZE WOULD BE TO APOLOGIZE FOR LOVING HER SO, AND I'D RATHER OFFEND THEN NOT LOVE AND MISS HER.

ALL OF THIS MUST SERVE A PURPOSE, BUT IT'S NOT EASILY DISCERNED, OR OBTAINED.

I DO ATTEMPT TO IMAGINE THE PAIN AND EMOTIONS OF GOD WHO LOSES HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN A DAY, AND HE LOVES EACH OF THEM EVEN MORE THEN I LOVE MY ONE DEPARTED CHILD.

I KNOW MY WELL WISHERS CAN NEVER HONESTLY SAY THEY KNOW HOW I FEEL UNLESS THEY THEMSELVES HAVE LOST THEIR CHILD IN DEATH.

LIKEWISE, I IN MY GREATEST MOMENTS OF DESPAIR, SADNESS, AND HEARTBREAK CAN NEVER SAY I UNDERSTAND HOW GOD FEELS.

I DO KNOW HOW I FEEL, AND I CAN NOT EVEN FATHOM MULTIPLYING MY HURT, AND LOSS ONE IOTA.

I WOULD NEVER WISH THIS EXPERIENCE UPON ANYONE, SO I MUST BE EVER SO CAUTIOUS TO NOT BE ONE OF GODS CHILDREN THAT BREAK HIS HEART BY REJECTING HIS OFFER OF SALVATION, AND HIS SHOULDER OF COMFORT.

I GUESS THAT IS LOVE.

PERHAPS I AM LEARNING SOMETHING FROM THIS EXPERIENCE.

PRIOR TO MY LOSS I ADMITTEDLY WAS PRIMARILY CONCERNED ABOUT MAKING IT TO HEAVEN FOR MY OW SAKE, AND NOT REALLY TAKING GODS FEELINGS INTO CONSIDERATION.

SURE I KNEW HE WANTED ME IN HEAVEN, THAT WAS THE REASON CHRIST CAME, AND SALVATION WAS OFFERED, BUT MY NOT MAKING IT AND CAUSING HIM TO HURT FROM THE LOSS OF HIS CHILD RARELY, IF EVER CROSSED MY MIND.

MY REASONS WERE SELFISH, AND SELF-CENTERED, NEVER CONSIDERING HOW MUCH GOD HAS INVESTED IN ME TO GET ME TO HEAVEN, NOR JUST HOW DEVASTATING IT IS TO LOSE A CHILD.

NOW I KNOW.

I'VE OFTEN SAID IN CONVERSATIONS THAT GOD WILL MORE TIMES THEN NOT, AND I GENUINELY BELIEVE HE DOES IN ALL CASES CAUSE A PROPHET TO WALK THEIR MINISTRIES OUT BEFORE THEY CAN HONESTLY, AND SINCERELY SPEAK DIRECTLY FOR HIM.

TAKE NOTE OF HOSEA THE PROPHET AND HOW HE NEEDED TO MARRY A HARLOT AND THEN BUY HIS OWN WIFE BACK BEFORE GOD MIGHTILY USED HIM TO SPEAK FOR HIM TO THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL ABOUT THEIR SPIRITUAL FORNICATION.

WELL I SEE SOMETHING DEVELOPING,BUT I MUST CLOSE NOW UNTIL GOD RELEASES ME TO SHARE MORE, SO PERHAPS YOU CAN COME ALONG WITH ME ON MY JOURNEY TO COMPLETION.




2DAY PROPHETIC ADMONISHMENT:

WE JUST WON'T KNOW WHAT THE END WILL BE UNTIL WE MAKE IT TO THE END, WHICH IS AN IMPOSSIBILITY WITHOUT THE LORD ON OUR SIDE.

THOUGH WE ARE MEANT TO DIE OUT TO SELF, THE PROCESS TO COMPLETION WOULD LITERALLY KILL US, WITH OUT GOD'S GRACE, AND IT IS STILL DESIGNED TO KILL OFF OUR FLESH.