WATCH WHERE YOU'RE POINTING !

TODAY OUT OF THE CLEAR BLUE AS I WAS MEDITATING ON THE LORD, AND JUST WHAT HE WOULD HAVE ME OFFER FOR TODAY'S ENTRY, I BELIEVE HE SPOKE INTO MY SPIRIT THAT I'VE BEEN ANGRY WITH HIM.

I WILL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT 2009 HAS NOT BEEN AN EASY YEAR FOR ME, DUE TO THE EVENTS OF THE SECOND HALF OF 2008, AS WELL AS MAJOR EVENTS IN 2009.

STILL I WOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS HAVING BEEN MAD AT THE LORD, BUT WHO AM I TO DOUBT THE LORD IF HE SAY'S IT'S SO ?

GIVING MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER IN MARRIAGE WAS NO LIGHT FEAT FOR ME.

THIS WAS NOT DIFFICULT TO HER CHOICE IN HUSBAND, IT WAS SIMPLY THE FACT THAT ANOTHER WOULD NOW BE REQUIRED TO LOVE, PROTECT, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY BE HER SPIRITUAL COVERING.

THESE WERE JOBS I HELD HER ENTIRE LIFE, AND TOOK EXTREMELY SERIOUS, SO NEEDLESS TO SAY I FELT A LOSS, AND AN APPREHENSION.

ON TOP OF THAT THOUGH MY OLDEST DAUGHTER PASSED AWAY AND I DISCOVERED A HURT, CRUSHING, AND SHATTERING I NEVER EVEN KNEW EXISTED ON EARTH.

MY DAUGHTERS PASSING IS WHY THE LORD SAYS I AM ANGRY AT HIM.

I DO MISS HER BEYOND WORDS, BUT JUST RECENTLY I WAS ASKING MYSELF IF I MISS HER MORE, OR DO I MISS THE THE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES MORE, AND I COULDN'T SAY THEN, NOR CAN I NOW.

I DO LITERALLY ASK THE LORD TO KEEP ME FROM THINKING TO MUCH, FOR FEAR IF I STARTED TO CRY I SERIOUSLY DOUBT MY BEING ABLE TO STOP.

I'M JUST AMAZED, AND DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF THAT I COULD FIND THE NERVE TO ACTUALLY BE MAD AT THE GOD THAT HAS REPEATEDLY FORGIVEN ME, AND LOOKED BEYOND MY FAULTS TO SEE, AND ATTEND TO MY NEEDS.

IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE LORD I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN MY DAUGHTER, OR HAD HER FOR THE TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I DID, AND YET HERE I'VE BEEN HARBORING SOME WELL CAMOUFLAGED ANGER IN MY HEART AGAINST THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN BRING ME THROUGH THIS HEARTACHE, PAIN, AND DESPAIR.

I HAVE KNOW IDEA OF WHERE THIS IS GOING , OR WHY I'M EVEN SHARING THIS BUT I AM GRATEFUL THAT THE LORD HAS TOLD ME OF THIS ANGER THAT I MAY APPROACH HIM FOR FORGIVENESS, AND ASK FOR HIS DELIVERANCE FROM THIS .

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GRIEVE, AND I DEFINITELY DON'T KNOW HOW TO MEND MY OWN SHATTERED HEART, BUT I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WHATS LEFT OF MY LIFE BEING ANGRY WITH THE GOD THAT BY HIS GRACE HAS BOUGHT ME THIS FAR DURING THE MOST TRYING TIMES OF MY LIFE.

WE NEED TO ALWAYS BE ON GUARD FOR DESTRUCTIVE EMOTIONS, AND THOUGHTS IN OUR HEART.

THESE CAN LAY HIDDEN IN OUR HEARTS FOR YEARS BECAUSE THE HEART IS DECEITFUL AND DESPERATELY WICKED ACCORDING TO THE WORD:

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things , and desperately wicked: who can know it?




2 DAYS PROPHETIC ADMONISHMENT: HOW CAN WE EVER ADVANCE, AND GROW IN THE LORD WITH ANGER IN OUR HEARTS, ESPECIALLY AGAINST THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN HEAL, DELIVER, AND FORGIVE US OF THIS ANGER.

TODAY I MUST APPLY THE WORD I SO OFTEN QUOTE TO YOU, TO MYSELF.


Hebrews 12:1 and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, (NEXT TO LAST CLAUSE IN VERSE)


I GUESS THE PRIDE OF LIFE HAS CREPT IN AND BESET ME.

WHAT ELSE, OTHER THAN PRIDE COULD GIVE ME THE UNMITIGATED GALL TO BE ANGRY AT THE ALL MIGHTY GOD.

I KNOW IT'S FAIR TO SAY THAT WE WILL NEED GOD BEFORE HE WILL NEED US.

SATAN IS SO SHREWED THAT HE HAS LEARNED TO HIDE PRIDE RIGHT IN THE OPEN AND SO MANY OF US FALL PREY TO THE OBVIOUSLY INVISIBLE.

I'M GRATEFUL FOR STILL KNOWING THAT STILL SMALL QUITE VOICE THAT I COULD BE WARNED ABOUT THE ANGER.

IT IS WISDOM THAT EVEN WHEN WE LOSE ALL THAT WE COUNT NEAR, AND DEAR TO US WE MUSTN'T POINT OUR FINGERS AT GOD IN ANGER !